Today as I write this entry a good friend is driving her earthly belongings from one home to another, hours and ferries away from here. It sounds like a dream destination for her family. The past few years we've grown an honest friendship through her several challenging local job and living moves. I'm relieved for their answers to prayer and feeling quietly bereft.
Last evening we hosted a backyard gathering for church musicians which I'm a part of and said the almost last goodbyes to two of them going far away, likely for good. Another one inadvertently mentioned the desire for a big change too. This being a rare kindred spirit whose departure I would dread.
I truly hate goodbyes and impending departures. I'm feeling generally short of time with people who are stimulating two-way conversationalists, who really like me for myself (not just as a listening post) and who have a passion for the same things I do. Now the already arid land of true friendship is looking like the beginnings of death valley.
I feel the familiar fingers of depression closing around my throat and I have push them away forcefully. I ask God to show me His good plans for me. To widen and deepen my circle of fellowship. To affirm my life purpose and confirm divine dreams that are nothing more than a dry seed in the ground. I want to choose faith and hope when my current life seems to move away again and again from so much that I long for. All I can think of is to write out my heart. To "talk" to someone, even if they don't respond or receive this today. To sit at the piano and chisel away at my soul songs. Pour my spirit into melodies and rhythm.
This is not the path I would choose. Not the story I would write for myself. The way of thorns. The princess locked in a castle. I sit here with open hands, palms facing upward. This much I know I have to do.
