Gold from Straw

This morning I grabbed a quick bite of Scripture as I rushed out the door.  Judges 6:13 - 17 on the fly and not expecting much, I admit.  There's Gideon saying to God, "If You're for us, then why do we have so much trouble? Where are Your miracles we grew up hearing about? Looks to me like You've abandoned us."

Hmmmm... Honest.  Direct.  And, umm.. relate-able at times.  God doesn't even bother to respond to any of Gideon's speech for some reason.  Just gets straight to the assignment. "Go with the strength (or resources) you have and save Israel from the Midianites.  I'm sending you out."

Gideon asks what he's supposed to save Israel with since he's weak and insignificant.  God says,"I'll be with you. " And He tells Gideon he will destroy the Midianites, who were powerful and myriad, as if they are really just like one of him.

I often wish God would explain Himself to me.  He usually doesn't.  But He gives me assignments for the day.  And helps me in spite of huge odds.  Today my assignment was finishing a giant painting for church.  A peaceful rowboat pointed out toward sea.  I was more aware than ever of my lack of art training and struggles with the basics of perspective. It felt like God was asking me to spin gold out of straw.  I'm literally painting on my knees, asking God for what to do next. And somehow the picture became a living, breathing thing.

Pity

This morning I've caught myself in blatant self-pity. Why do I have to keep going through desolate places where again it's me pleading with God to let me know He's with me?  Why do I have to regularly return to being alone with my inspirations, gifts and interests?  Why do I have deal with almost daily temptations to despair over the inevitability of the few kindred spirits leaving my sphere?

The logic side of me stands back, at least in this moment, and says,"What do you expect in life training? Do athletes sit around on comfy sofas all day?"

I would like to believe that there is good plan for my life in all this rigor I'm being paced through.  I have such a hard time being alone, both literally and soulishly, but there has to be a way to triumph in it.  I wonder if this is the only way I would really seek God with my whole being?  If so, I wonder how I'll survive.  I would so much like to know that all this is producing something worthwhile.  Something beautiful.  Something hopeful and of true strength.

Wait

When I was in Bible School, the word "wait" came up so often in lectures that it became our year's theme. At the end of school, several of us formed the word on the lawn and were "aerial" photographed from a tower. A long lost picture, unfortunately.  Hence, my alphabet noodle art.

I tend to wait impatiently or dismally. Especially when it's indefinite. I'm often tempted to mope about what is unresolved. I squander the moment I'm in. Sometimes I leap ahead and take charge where I shouldn't and have to make apologies. It's too easy for me to take initiative in general but there are times when it's just plain wrong. Mostly, actually, just too hasty.

Been thinking about initiative taker Achan in Joshua 7.  He saw what he wanted, was able to take it and did. But the timing was wrong. He'd been warned.  Given boundaries that he ignored. He and his whole family died for it.  Just one chapter and one city later, God gives the Israelites permission, carte blanche, if you will, to take whatever plunder they want.  Things go better with sticking to God's timing.  Sometimes, though not always, the waiting is much shorter or less costly than we expect.