Pity

This morning I've caught myself in blatant self-pity. Why do I have to keep going through desolate places where again it's me pleading with God to let me know He's with me?  Why do I have to regularly return to being alone with my inspirations, gifts and interests?  Why do I have deal with almost daily temptations to despair over the inevitability of the few kindred spirits leaving my sphere?

The logic side of me stands back, at least in this moment, and says,"What do you expect in life training? Do athletes sit around on comfy sofas all day?"

I would like to believe that there is good plan for my life in all this rigor I'm being paced through.  I have such a hard time being alone, both literally and soulishly, but there has to be a way to triumph in it.  I wonder if this is the only way I would really seek God with my whole being?  If so, I wonder how I'll survive.  I would so much like to know that all this is producing something worthwhile.  Something beautiful.  Something hopeful and of true strength.