Grade seven was the year I discovered full blown anxiety about public speaking. (I'd been working up to this since grade 4 with piano recitals ) Awkward adolescence only fueled the intensity of this. In grade ten I coped by giving a speech about nervousness and its symptoms. Mildly self-entertaining, but I was still anxious, shy and uncomfortable.
I've spent most of my life making comments from the sidelines like a self-appointed court jester on the bleachers of life. This year something else is getting the better of me. I don't know if it's a genetic time bomb. My dad has been a preacher and Bible teacher for over 50 years of talking in public. For me it's coming out when I lead a small worship group once a month. In theory I could just pick songs and jump into the music without saying a word. In practice there's no way. In spite of myself I'm actually starting to make eye contact with a few people while I say something devotional or anecdotal before we sing. The impulse to be self-depreciating or awkwardly self-conscious is disappearing.
I'd still much rather just play and sing on a worship team than be in charge. Some of my happiest times in life are at the piano with a band and a good leader. It's curious to me that being put outside my music comfort zone is bringing out new things. I don't know yet why. It's making me look around at other people with their comfort zones and I wonder what else is waiting to come out of their personalities.
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