Inventories

I'm just over a third of the way through Freedom Sessions (See post called Flavours of Denial) and now we're in the trenches of our stuff.  I feel like if I write about it, I'll survive it.  Every participant has been warned that these are the rapids, the gale force winds, the...well, the place you want to quit, but what would be the point of that?

Recently we're doing several so-called inventories.  The first one, our Strengths Inventory, broke us in gently.  What strengths has God given you? Who in your life has benefited from these?

Now we're into the hardcore stuff.  The Mirror Inventory - The ways I've been hurt, the effect then and the effects on-going in all levels of my life.  This also includes listing my responsibility or not in response to hurts received.  It's surprising what comes up. Not just the apparently major or obvious.

The latest assignment, while we continue to add to our Mirror Inventory, is the Shield Inventory - The ways I wound others and its effect.  Ouch. And I mean starting with me.

There's no fooling around, no beating around the bush here.  I told a friend on the phone today I feel like the skin is being peeled off my soul these weeks.  Sometimes I'm emotionally threadbare. Other times I'm just overwhelmed by normal stuff as life goes on.  I've taken a season off leading another discussion group, feel like napping more often (though I set the timer and don't let this become depressive) and have almost no tolerance for small talk or people who need a great deal of listening.  I realize this is temporary.  Painful.  Necessary.  I've seen people in past years come out the other side of this in-depth program better for it...at the very least alive.